


Reformidatio

by mala_ptica



Category: Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-22 22:53:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/615281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mala_ptica/pseuds/mala_ptica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>reformidatio:</b><i> (Latin)</i> - a shuddering, horror<br/>Marian struggles to make sense of the consequences of the Nightwatchman's actions when Guy is hurt</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reformidatio

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ExperimentalMadness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExperimentalMadness/gifts).



> written off of the meme-prompt, "Nurse Me", in which a character has to try to heal another character. ExperimentalMadness asked for Guy. A reworking of [this](http://malaptica.tumblr.com/post/39024293320/nurse-me-guy) original, shorter version that I posted on tumblr.

Marian stabs Guy, and almost kills him. She hadn’t meant it to happen; she was trying to get away, as the Nightwatchman, she doesn’t know how the knife slipped from his hand to hers, and she never meant to hurt him… _that_ way. It was one thing she prided herself on, that no matter how horrible, and evil he could be, no matter how much harm he would bring to her and others, she wouldn’t revisit the same on him. She would hold the moral high ground.

Which is all good except when one slips up, just even for a moment, and undoes all one’s good intentions.

Once, but it was enough. Three inches of steel, in between the ribs. He’s lucky she didn’t puncture his heart, only his lungs. She sits by his side, while he’s set up to recover. Guilt overcomes her, and she asks the physician what can be done. Guy, who flits in and out of consciousness, sees her for a moment, and brightens, so the physician asks her to stay, and sit by his side, during the recovery.

She doesn’t know if it is guilt, or pity, or fury, or something else that ties her to his bedside - perhaps a combination of many - but she keeps a lonely vigil, every day, singing or reading to him to pass the long hours that he does not wake. When she runs out of things to say, the quiet rattle of his labored breath fills the room.

It makes sense, after all, that she would be asked, that it would be expected of her. She’s Nottingham castle's de facto châtelaine, and the physician didn’t think it wise to move Guy back to Locksley, given the circumstances. No one says it aloud, but there's a strong chance he might die. When she tells Robin and the outlaws this, the general feeling across the camp is elation. She understands their position, but she cannot share it, not when she was about to ask for help.

So she spends days by his side, washing his brow, helping with the wrappings, and to move him in bed, so he doesn’t grow sore. Sometimes she has to grit her teeth and remind herself to hate him. Thornton comes from the village to attend, and tells her that some things are servants’ work, but she manages to be there for most things he needs assistance in. Allan stands up for her, and they both manage to avoid each others' eyes, artfully, almost, in discussing the situation, or their private reactions to it. It's harder work than she thought, nursing, and she's grateful that there are others who come to wash his body, and empty his pan - the thought of performing those tasks makes her ill. He is so much like her father, so weak and useless, like a newborn babe, and she steels her heart against pity, as much as she can, thinking of her poor father's fate, and how she was not able to tend to him, and how much more deserving of tending.

The one hope, she realizes, was that if Guy died, the harm he caused would end. This is not entirely the case - he is an agent of his own wrath, and a tool of another's. Ultimately, the sheriff’s cruelty persists despite the absence of his lieutenant, almost unchecked, as compared to before. Without Guy's ear, she is blind to the sheriff's plans, and her role as a spy diminishes greatly. She hadn't realized the power that Guy exercised for Good, or at least, as a counterbalance - it's true, he was his own special brand of evil. More than that, she remembers with guilt the times she took pleasure in his company, laughed at a joke, or blushed after a kiss. She hated herself then, and hates herself now.

Once, when she sat down to cut Guy's hair, long as it had grown, the shears grew heavy in her palm, and she flirted briefly with the urge to slide them up his lungs, following the path of the dagger. Finish the job. He turned, just then, opened his eyes briefly, saw her leaning over him, and smiled. He slid back into unconsciousness, with that stupid smile on his face.

She had backed up, as though stung, and let the shears drop, as if they were live snakes, and then kicked them under his bed. The truth is, she realized, slinking down to the floor, is that she can find almost no one who would mourn Guy, if he passed. Even his dogs have given up and moved on to new masters, within days of his becoming wounded, and slipping into coma. She was truly the only person in the world he might consider a friend, and she was the one who did this to him. And all the times he's hurt her before, and likely would again, don't make that easier.

**Author's Note:**

> woosh! My weird attempt at working out the complicated emotions of guilt over hurting someone who really really basically deserves it and how no one ever comes out clean and that's also why I love Marian! Because she argued with Robin AGAINST killing Guy right after Guy almost killed her, in season 1.
> 
> Also, with regards to terminology - typically the châtelaine is MARRIED to the lord of the manor. Marian, as we all know, is not. Lagat had pointed out that Marian effectively carries out all the duties of one, however, and given her relationship with Guy, and his position at the castle, such that they are,, she pretty much is, though.


End file.
